My father’s repulsive and frightful criminal acts were a Mind Altering Experience. My eyes depicted the terror I felt as I witnessed crimes a 10 year old child should have never seen.

While viewing myself in a distorted reflective surface, I rendered this drawing in watercolor pencils using both hands at the same time. I drew and painted this before I knew I had a different father than my stepdad, and before I knew what happened to me at age ten. Nine years later in 2010, I started to remember what my father did. The first memory of his crimes surfaced in 1989. However due to a horrible therapist those memories were buried again.

A close study of this drawing/painting revealed pencil lines above the eyes where the forehead and top of the head would be. I remembered when I decided to leave the forehead and top of the head blank. Thus I named this artwork, Mind Altering Experience.

Four and half months after I first wrote this, I figured out what I drew back in 2001. I looked into a mirror and drew my father’s face. His eyes had turned amber around the time I visited him in 1963.

Tags: childhood trauma, terror, crimes

I rendered Binary Chaos in colored pencil for the year 2000 scare. The round items are CD discs. CD discs hold memories as in files and photographs. I realized this in 2012 as I wrote this. The drawing contains 28 discs. I thought this refers to number of years I was when my father’s worst abuse took place. Two and eight are 10.

The artwork focussed on a face and an eye

The number 12 played a prominent role in this artwork. 12 is part of the binary code. 12 is one of the numbers on the clock which only has an hour hand. 12 is the number which sits at the top of the cauldron-like vessel.

My father committed crimes against 12 children when I was 10.

After studying this artwork further, I added six and eight together which equals 14. Age 14 was the last time I saw my father.

Therefore Binary Chaos contains more about my father than I originally believed.

Tags: childhood trauma, crimes