Before I learned the full extent of what happened to me with my father I drew this. While looking at myself in a reflective surface which distorted my image, I drew and painted Forcing The Hand. I used both hands at the same time.
Forcing The Hand showed many of the emotions my father and I experienced including rage and terror respectively. The amber and blue eyes depicted a wolf’s eyes. My father called himself a wolf. He hunted often and preyed on innocent children.
There's more to this than I wrote last. This work also represents the first time my father used physical abuse to keep me silent about his identity. Forcing The Hand is about my father breaking my forearm. And then he refused to get my arm casted as a punishment and also for me to remember what happened when I disclosed his name to other people. He was super secretive about his identity. I didn't understand why until this year, 2017, when I remembered that he had two professions: he was a serial killer and worked for the law enforcement in the US government.
While reading a book, Eyes of A Pedophile: Detecting Child Predators, by Betty J Kuffel MD, I got triggered by the description of the pedophile’s eyes. The man had a condition called Heterchromia Iridum where the irises of the eye can be two different colors. I drew the one picture, Forcing the Hand, which depicted my father with two different colored irises. In addition my father made me call him a wolf. Most wolves have a blue eye and an amber eye. I remember my father’s eyes were creepy and spooky. One was a deep blue, and the other was an amber brown.
At 10 years old, I noticed my father’s eyes had changed color to both amber, the color of a tiger’s eye.
I researched the condition and discovered there are several different types of Heterchromia Iridum and it is hereditary. I remembered for years my mother told me I had hazel eyes. However, she suddenly changed her viewpoint when I got to be an adult. She told me, “Your eyes are definitely a deep blue with colors around the pupil.”
Heterchromia Iridum encompasses several types. Mine is termed central where the eyes are blue and there is coloration around the pupil. When I studied pictures of this type I easily found my eye color.
My eye doctor told me my eyes are blue as well not hazel.
I rendered Mind Blower in watercolor pencils. I eyed myself in a reflective surface which distorted my image and I drew whatever came forth. I drew this with both hands simultaneously.
It looked as if I saw two different situations which occurred at the same time. One eye watched something which appeared straight ahead and the other watched something which appeared to the left.
The eyes screamed terror at what they witnessed.
Mind Blower confirmed that I left my body and mind and a Hidden Observer watched the horrors.
The vertical gray-black line was the glinting knife in my father’s hand. He used knives to perpetrated his crimes and to threaten me.